On Randomness

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Randomness Ensues

Checked my e-mail the other day and got that sudden rush of overwhelming glee I succumb to when I see a new message in there. Had a comment on the ‘other blog’ and went to check it. I was ‘tagged’ by a friend and thus forced to put 10 random things about myself on my blog. Never one to pass up some good ol’ fashioned peer pressure, I wracked my brain to come up with the 10 most entertaining random things about myself.

It was a good exercise actually. I not only learned some things about myself, but actually ended up finding that those little things that peeve me about good ol’ Dave are actually kind of amusing and endearing.

Maybe I should get to know myself a little better more often.

I decided I was done with ten that day, and I kept them pretty light since they were on the family blog. Not like this is edgy by any means, but as compared to the family blog, it is. Here’s a list of random admittances from yours truly. In no particular order of importance or relevance to human nature:

  • I tend to ramble.
  • Robin Williams is possibly the most annoying person in the world to me.
  • I won’t share covers with another person, including my wife (who really would be the only person I’d share a blanket with; let’s just get THAT out of the way, k-thanks). The pocket in the middle of two people creates a draft that I just cannot tolerate. Plus, everyone else is a bunch of cover hogs. There, I said it.
  • I think I’d make a great politician. ME for president.
  • I have to check my friends’ and family members’ blogs once every day. Sometimes more depending on the time constraints of my life on any given day.
  • When people don’t leave comments on my blog when I know they were there I sometimes take it personally. I’m getting over that though, because commenting is exhausting and time-consuming. In fact, it’s about one-millionth as time-consuming and one-trillionth as exhausting as actual blogging. Whatev. Ingrates.
  • I would love to have dinner with Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. I’d knock their heads together really hard and send them on their way.
  • I either have to have socks on when I go to bed or they have to be off. It actually just depends on the day whether or not they must–or must not–be on. Is that neurotic?
  • I feel sorry for people who make their whole lives about their work. And I know I drive them crazy because I think your work is just an extension of yourself, not the definition of yourself. Oh, and it pays the bills. Yeah, there’s that.
  • I wish I lived closer to family, but at the same time I’m relieved I don’t. I can be a huge pain in the ass, and I realize that our relationships would be far different than they are now if I planted myself in their backyards.
  • I secretly want about four kids, but we have only the financial means and room for about two. I’d settle for three.
  • I also secretly want to just have Jack, but realize that’s selfish.
  • Grown men with long hair kind of creep me out. Unless I know them.
  • I can sing every word of about three Reba McEntire albums, thanks to my little sister.
  • I think Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie seem kinda sad.
  • I can’t wear a watch because I can’t stand wrist sweat.
  • I own every single Sheryl Crow album (seven total and then some), but can only listen to the first three all the way through.
  • If you had told me five years ago I’d be remodeling our house myself (with some much-needed help from others; I know my limits), I would have laughed in your face.
  • I check on my son at least three times per night.
  • I talk to my wife five or six times a day on our cell phones. Sometimes I’ll call her and she won’t answer, so I’ll just keep trying. Then she’ll call back and ask why I called, and I don’t have an answer. I think the answer is truly “I just like to hear your voice.”
  • I love/hate it when Amy and Jack are napping because it means the house is quiet. It’s a weird feeling.
  • I wish I’d finished college, but know I will someday. I just need to figure out what it is I want to do for the rest of my life. (Besides be awesome.)
  • I like to make people feel good. Sometimes doing something for someone else will make me feel great for months. I think I’ll do that more often than every millenium or so now that I think about it.
  • I love the fact that my grandma gives me her Guideposts magazines. I read them cover to cover and tear up on almost every story.
  • Snickerdoodle doubles as my favorite cookie and my favorite word.
  • I broke my nose at a party trying to do the Karate Kid crane kick. My knee hit my nose. And I am completely inflexible. I believe angels had a hand in that.
  • The first thing I notice when I pick up a piece of paper is the number of wrong spellings and typos. It’s a gift and a curse.
  • I am scared to death of getting in an auto accident with my son in the car. So much so that I have nightmares about it.
  • My toenails are often way too long because I can’t stand to clip them. They aren’t right now because I just did it the other day.
  • I am petrified of taking my shirt off in public. Always have been.
  • I wish I’d gotten to know my grandpa better. He was such a great guy.
  • I loved the 90s.
  • I’ve never had a cavity or broken bone.
  • I realize I’ll probably have this same haircut for the rest of my life. That gives me such comfort.
  • I am probably one of the most sentimental people on Earth. Commercials can make me cry.
  • I sometimes think I would benefit from a daily dose of Ritalin. No joke.
  • I thank God that my parents didn’t give me everything I wanted when I was younger. Otherwise, I’d still be taking care of a monkey probably.
  • I can’t blow my nose. It’s not that it’s impossible, I just can’t stand feeling snot sliding out my schnozz. I have probably blown my nose seven times in my entire life, and those were only in emergency sitchos.
  • I absolutely cannot sit in a car without my seatbelt on and won’t allow anyone else in my car without theirs buckled either.
  • I love those creepy little marshmallow Peeps.
  • I’m not a fan of Jack Nicholson. There’s just something very unnerving about him and it has nothing to do with his movies.
  • I was disappointed by the third “Spiderman” movie. Very disappointed.
  • I haven’t swam in a lake for years because I am terrified of open water. It’s the fish. They freak me out.
  • My initials are DMV. Nice. My parents should have named me Dentist Michael. Then I could remind everyone of the two places they hate to go! (I actually think it’s cool, but I like to tease.)
  • I am painfully inflexible. I have never, I repeat NEVER, been able to touch my toes with my legs straight.
  • I am extremely ticklish.
  • I like to cuddle, but only on my own terms.
  • If I could wear flip flops all year long, I would. Which is weird because I have hideous feet. They are terrifying. Worse than Hobbit feet.
  • It takes me three days to grow a five o’clock shadow.
  • My dream job is to stay at home and write all day. My second dream job is to be a stay-at-home dad and maybe take care of other peep’s kids too for an income. I’m not kidding. I think kids are cool. Even other people’s kids.
  • I think coaching volleyball kind of ruined me on the sport.
  • Spring would be my fave season if I didn’t have hayfever so bad. Because of this reason alone, my favorite season is fall.
  • I don’t like it when old men tell wisenheimer jokes that take forever to punchline. I always feel like an actor on a stage, pretending to act interested while I’m smiling on the outside but my mind is racing with anxiety. Then when the lame-o punchline hits, I feel obliged to laugh really hard and it always feels forced and obvious. But I guess, old men with bad jokes are people too, so I should just get over it and laugh away. But I hate it. For the record.
  • Improper usage of grammar incites rage in me. Prime examples are people who use prepositions at the end of EVERY sentence, people who say the word ‘agreeance’ (it’s agreement, stupid ass). Last but not least, I cannot stand it when people say ‘myself’ instead of ‘me’! For examps, “Just so we’re in agreeance here, the people who are going to be at the event are April, Johnny and myself, right? Where are you going to be at?” It hurt my brain to type that, just so you know.
  • This is going to sound creepy, but I hate ground beef. Yep, reading that statement again makes me sound creepy. Just so nobody goes apeshit on Oprah here, I eat my fair share of steak and roast.
  • I’m competitive to a fault, but in a really strange way. Number one, I don’t like to be the very best (not like THAT ever happens). I don’t like the attention, expectation, and work that being the very best brings. It makes me stressed and embarassed. But if I’m the worst at something, it makes me feel HORRIBLE. So, for those reasons, I am excited and happy to be right at average or above average. Is that sad?
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11 Comments

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11 responses to “On Randomness

  1. Sarah

    This was Hilarious Clinton Dave!

  2. Cara

    I’m crying from laughter. Part of that laughter is coming from your “Lingo” post. Wish we could HEAR you using those cooky phrases rather than have to read them. Here’s one that we’ve always said: “Crab-Master”. When somebody is being the Master of Crabbiness (usually Aaron)!

  3. Missy

    This was good! I want more!

  4. Mindy

    I, too, am creeped out by guys with long hair unless I know them! Seriously – it makes me think about really bad things that they may have done in their past. COMPLETELY not trying to be judgmental – but it creeps me out!

  5. Heidi

    I enjoyed the randomness… I am also pretty sentimental. More so the older I get. And there are a couple of commercials that just get me every time. I can completely relate…That’s your comment from me – are ya’ happy now!

  6. davejavu

    Heidi, I thought for sure you’d like the politician comment. ME for prez? Hello?!

  7. Heidi

    Ok. You are NEVER going to quit giving me crap about that, are you?! It wasn’t lost on me – in fact it cracked me up, I just chose to ignore it. I told you they were magnets from a tobacco company – what do you expect!!!

  8. Sarah

    Is it sad that I already knew a good percentage of these?! Just wonderin’!

  9. Sarah

    I’m SOOOO with ya’ on the grammar thing yo’! WTH is with people who use prep phrases anyway? Where do ya’ suppose they get that at?!
    LOL! Keep ’em comin’! I’m loving it!

  10. Kimi

    I actually had to explain to Nate why I’m laughing out loud. Great post!

  11. Lisa

    Dave,
    I realize I’m really late posting a comment here, and you’ll probably never even know I did…
    But I absolutely LOVED this! I have tears in my eyes from laughing so hard!
    I also have Hobbit feet, and because of the many gross deformities, I would also like to wear flip flops every day of the friggin’ year! Not to freak people out, but just because they’re so much more comfy! People can just get over it!
    Great post – keep ’em coming. I’ll try to actually read them more often!

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