Monthly Archives: April 2008

On Witch Hunts


From The Vault: Where Martha Stewart Went Wrong

I wrote this original article for the June 27, 2002, edition of The Breeze. While I too am getting sick of schlepping out all my old junk from the vault, this week has not been conducive to sitting and writing. It just hasn’t. Forgive, please. I promise original, awesome stuff here soon. This particular article is kinda special though because it won me a Nebraska Press Association award for column writing (second place still counts, right?). Enjoy, and remember my promise for new stuff soon. Oh, and I can’t believe I got away with the hooker remark toward the end. Yikes! 

Okay, I get it. There are some people who want to burn Martha Stewart at the stake.

If you don’t know the story by now, here’s a wrap-up: Congressional investigators are examining whether Martie (that’s what I call her; she calls me Davy) had inside information when she sold nearly 4000 shares of ImClone stock.

Sure, Martie is the chairwoman of the NSA–the regulatory department for this very kind of illegal activity–and the sale of said stock came but a day before the FDA announced that it decided not to consider ImClone’s application of their experimental drug, intended to combat colorectal cancer.

Yadda, yadda, yadda.

You really delude yourself enough to think Martha Stewart–who could fashion a kicky, tasteful sweater jacket out of the hide of a roadkilled skunk–hasn’t already invented her own cure for colorectal cancer?

She has. It’s called Martha’s Rootin’ Tootin’ Prune Bomb Casserole (episode 548).

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